My Dad....

 My life has changed. My heart is broken. My Dad passed away December 1, 2010. I am missing him more than I could have ever imagined.  

This is a dream I am going to wake up any moment......

 I tell myself this at least once every hour. I can not explain the emptiness in my chest. I think of him all day. What makes this all worse for me is that we will never know why.... 

I ask myself is that better to not know....NO it is not...... 

I worry all day that he suffered. 

I will not go into detail about any of the days preceding his death. But I know he died by himself with know one there to comfort him. I know there was pain and sadness. All of his kids being so sick about what was going on but none of us could do anything to help. I am so saddened that my brother found him by himself with no one to be there by his side to comfort him. Don and I got there very quickly but still. My dad had lived with us for 5 years and had moved just this April because we were selling our home. I know how I felt when he had gotten severely sick once and I would sit by his door listening to him breath just so I could have peace. How I wish this was all a dream. My dad was more to me then just a "dad". I need him now more then ever. I have so many questions. I would give anything for one more hug, bad joke, a smile, even just to have one more minute.