missing you

Happy Father's Day Dad.

I have so much I want to talk to you about. They say you feel better with time, as of now I can't believe that. Each day goes on and each day my heart is full of sorrow. It is harder then anything imaginable.

I am so lucky to have had the six years you lived with us. That time had brought us closer. I wouldn't trade that time for anything. Like I told you many times you are like a big teddy bear with an attitude! I miss the stories, I miss you bossing us around, I miss you. period. 

The days I struggle the most with are the days I just cant get the last month out of my mind. Them days I find myself uncontrollably crying on my way to work, in the bathroom, and the tears just come and I can't stop them. I feel I will never be OK with what happened and how it happened.  One day I hope to accept what is.... as it is. We can't change it but I would if I could. I feel you close often. Sometimes I smell you in a room. I know you are here watching over us. And probably pretending to smack us in the back of the head for doing something our way and not yours.

I didn't think I would be celebrating this day  without you for a long time. You were to young to go. I am lost without you. You are a great dad. You are a great PaPa to Abigail.